Hit Man (2023) Full Summary
After the gong of the Netflix logo rings (and a plethora of other companies take their turns onscreen), we are introduced to Gary Johnson teaching a class about Nietzsche. He talks about living life to the fullest and putting yourself out there, taking risks. A kid makes a comment on him driving a Honda Civic. Who cares what car he drives?
At home, Gary narrates his life in a nasal voice, chatting about being content in the suburbs living with his two cats named Id and Ego. We then learn he works part time for the Police to hide cameras and mics to catch folks in the “murder for hire business”. Gary only does audio and tech stuff. Once again, he is a huge nerd. We get a cute montage of him doing tech-y stuff and shooting a gun at a range (for training purposes I guess?) and finally end up in a van along with a mustached coworker shootin the shit with Gary. A woman whose name escapes me but is played by Retta (love her) opens the van door to tell them that Jasper was put on leave for beating up some high school kids on video??? They’re all like yeah that should have happened a while ago, he’s an ass. Provided, his name is Jasper. No offense to any Jaspers out there but Jasper is not a good guy name in TV. Even Jasper from Twilight was a confederate soldier.
I digress, Jasper was their undercover fake hitman so Retta says that Gary is going to have to go in. They have a short window of time and Gary is right there. Kind of begrudgingly, Gary steps in. He trades his belted jorts for regular pants and enters a diner. The… suspect? Perp? Sure perp comes in and goes up to Gary who says his name is Billy. As Billy, Gary gets the perp to say he wants him to kill a man and Billy describes cutting off fingers and throwing them out a car window every 5 miles or something it’s pretty good. He’s convincing! When he gets his money and steps out of the diner, cops immediately swoop in and arrest the perp.
Seems like Gary has found his new calling: disguising himself as the perfect hitman for each customer. Gary goes on about how hit men aren’t actually real. It’s all a fantasy. And Gary becomes the fantasy. A perp/customer will reach out to Gary, he researches them, and does his own hair and makeup for each meeting. Another montage of him watching YouTube videos on makeup and prosthetics with close ups of him dirtying his teeth, gluing on a beard, drawing on fake tattoos etc, just to meet with one guy. And then another guy. And even a woman. And a kid at one point. His costumes are star-quality and it’s so fun to see Glenn Powell flex his acting skills. I will say though, doing a really out-there fun campy character is fairly easy. Not much nuance there. When he dresses up as a hit man, he is dressing up as a stereotype. Now what stereotype people expect is what requires research. This is where the movie is at its peak for me. The costumes, the catching of multiple perps, it’s a blast. I would watch just to see Glenn transform again and again and again. Later I will be doing a ranking of the hitmen, don’t worry.
It’s not totally unrealistic for the dorky Gary to be so good at this because he is fascinated with the human psyche. What makes someone hire a killer? What kind of killer are they looking for? Gary is teaching (yeah he still teaches, but it’s at a college so he has time for all this), and his ex-wife stops by. She’s pregnant with another man’s baby and she is Gary’s best friend. Don’t know why they threw in the pregnant thing, it never comes up again. Oh maybe because she wanted kids and he didn’t? No clue. They chat about how people change, if they even can change, and if who they are goes away if they pretend to be someone else. She says who you are doesn’t go away, but is brought to the background while the person you want to be is amplified. They also talk about how Gary is weird and he needs a relationship that’s fucked up in the way he is? I’m watching this thinking… how is he fucked up? He just seems like an average dude. Maybe a little boring but I don’t see anything inherently wrong with that. I guess he’s just a loner.
Finally, Gary get a client naaaaamed… Madison. She is played by the stunning Adria Arjona who is impossible not to fall for. Madison is married to an emotionally abusive husband and she contacts Gary aka Ron in this scenario, to take him out. She seems quite demure and sweet, asking for a bite of Ron’s pie, saying her hubby has her on a crazy strict diet. It’s little glimpses here and there, but you can tell this woman is suffering at the hands of another. The Ron persona is charismatic and handsome, and obviously into Madison. She sees a cute dog and says she likes dogs more than cats and he agrees! Don’t forget he has multiple cats at home. So, when Madison’s husband calls her and she freaks out, before she can say anything to Ron about killing him, Ron tells her to just leave the bastard. To take the money she got for Ron and use it to escape. She nods and leaves. Here is where I’m thinking that she’s tricking him and she’s actually insane. You know? It would be like they both put on a front and yeah I don’t know.
Jesus Christ at this point I’m looking at this wall of text like… is anyone going to read all of this? Do I keep going? Do I stop? Ack! I’m in too deep! Maybe I’ll do less detail from here on out.
Okay where was I? Oh right right so Jasper returns to work (he beat up a bunch of teens but like he’s a cop with uhhh oh god I don’t remember. Tenure?) and he’s like upset Gary took his job and shits all over him for letting Madison go. This is all on a phone call btw with Mustache coworker, Retta, Jasper, and Gary. Retta thinks she hangs up but she doesn’t and her and mustache gab about how cool Ron is and how much they wanna hang out and also have sex with Ron. Not Gary. Gary is of course, hearing all of this. He shrugs and hangs up himself.
We get a montage of Gary at court, and then the beautiful Country boy Gary is featured, love this man. He ball taps his own customer!
Gary is doing his thing, when Madison reaches out to him, inviting him to a like dog adoption event. He shows up as Ron and is charming as ever, they really hit it off and she tells him she left her hubs and got her own place. She has to help with a code brown situation with the dogs, and Ron runs off to play catch with a bunch of kids, because he is suuuuch a good guy! But also a contract killer which Madison is just fascinated by!
They go back to her place and have sex. The sex is great and Gary’s narration says his ex-wife said he was never good in bed because he would think too much. Good sex requires letting go and being animalistic or something like that. Well Ron can let go. And they have a great time. Afterwards, Gary/Ron is torn because he is super into Madison and she is super into Ron! So they agree to basically only be fuck buddies. She still thinks he’s a hitman and is like also into that like she would keep asking him questions about his job, very macabre. Another hitman, another court scene, and Madison reveals to Gary/Ron that she got a gun! He teaches her how to use it, they of course, get more attached to each other and go out to a club one day. After some heavy grinding on the dance floor (ew they’re that couple), they leave and are somehow making out while walking (again, ew), when Madison’s husband sees her and goes up to them! He’s pissed, they’re still married, he calls her a slut, keeps escalating the situation and Gary/Ron pulls a gun on him! Madison is so hard she’s like “Yeah watch out, he’ll do it too, he’s a professional!” Like girl! Shut up! If your boyfriend’s a hit man you don’t proclaim it! Hush!
Okay I need to calm down.
So like they go to a idk fast food type place and they’re arguing because Glenn/Ron thinks she knew he would be there when Jasper appears and goes up to them and is like ‘oh hell yeah I got something on Gary now’ you know?
God what happens next.. More sex probably. Oh Madison’s husband puts a hit out on her and Gary meets up with him and he flips and they lose him. Gary fucked up big time there. He then goes to Madison and tells her to stay low and safe and that there’s a hit out on her. So she ends up killing her hubs herself. Good for her! We support women’s wrongs! But here’s the thing. This is insane. It’s like there is so much backstory and so much solidifying the character of Gary that this Madison woman is so unsupported, the contrast is really great. We don’t know how this man abused her really, we don’t know about her family, what she does for work, why killing her hubby is the first thing that comes to mind instead of just flat out divorce I mean. I think it’s because it’s loosely based on a true story that they make this concoction of realism and surrealism that I just don’t know if I can really agree with.
Gary finds out Madison’s husband is dead and of course the cops think it’s her. So he confronts her and she owns up to it and he’s like wtf you crazy girl also I’m not really a hitman! I’m not Ron! and she’s also all wtf?? Anyway they’re both pissed at each other and Gary leaves.
Retta is like okay y’all we gotta do a sting on Madison. Gary’s like oh no. Jasper’s like oh yes, hey guess who I saw with Madison? Gary. Gary’s like yeah we ran into each other and she thanked me for steering her right. So Retta’s like okay word we have a connection throughGary. They go to her house and have Gary mic’d up, no video. Why no video who knows. Gary/Ron comes into her home and tries to get her to confess, all the while typing and revealing on his iPhone notes that they’re being recorded, that she should deny deny deny, that she should eventually kick him out. This is a great scene, their voices and faces not matching up to trick the Man, the chemistry is electric! Desperately needed after all the weird shit that just went down. Damn good scene.
Later Gary comes back to her house and guess who is also there yeah it’s Jasper. He’s all hey I will reveal y’all two’s relationship and that Madison is a murderer unless you give me that life insurance policy from her dead husband. Madison puts some pills in Jasper’s beer and he passes out. Gary then grabs a grocery bag and ties it around Jasper’s neck saying that the cops honestly wish Jasper would just go away and that if he dies they won’t look into it. They’ll make it look like a suicide and they’ll be free as birds. They start fucking in the kitchen while Jasper dies in the living room, still in view, by the way. Super sick but I’m into it! See this is the twisted camp I’m looking for! Am I saying camp too much? I need a thesaurus.
There’s a time skip because we have a scene with Gary teaching again but this time… it’s a new classroom. Bigger, brighter, better. He goes and oh how does this play out… okay yeah he’s at a children’s classroom and is helping his like 8 year old daughter put her coat on!!! Is it 8? Idk how to tell ages. Madison has bangs now and is chatting with the teacher. At their home, Gary is preparing uh some food with a dog barking below him (yeah he’s a dog guy now, can’t give away that lie about not loving cats). Gary goes to the dinner table where Madison, and their TWO kids (one is a baby) are sitting and the 8 year old asks how mommy and daddy met and they just like smile and say it was love at first sight.