Hit Man (2023)
Dir. Richard Lenker Netflix
Hello again, I went ahead and got some new paint, hoping it would only be for this aisle but alas, it has covered the whole store. Idk y’all, creating a store is hard!
It is February, the timeof love! I went ahead and watched a Netflix Original Rom-Com for a fresh romance movie to kick off this month. Hit Man.
Glen Powell stars as the nerdy but somehow jacked philosophy teacher (Chidi Anagonye anyone?) Gary, who stumbles upon a certain talent to transform into a different killer for rent depending on the customer. Adria Arjona plays the beatiful but crazy love interest Madison, a woman who is in an emotionally abusive relationship. She hires Gary to kill her husband, but they end up falling for each other. The issues are that Gary is pretending to be a hit man named Ron and Madison is pretending to be… normal? Idk y’all she is far too into him being a killer. Just putting that out there.
Hit Man is based on a real man’s life; Gary Johnson- a teacher who also worked as an undercover hit man to catch the people who would hire him. It’s a wicked premise, and I had fun in the beginning of the film but it quickly became, for me, confusing- muddled with the love story of it all. I will admit, my second viewing was more pleasurable, since I knew what to expect and was just along for the ride.
My review without spoilers:
Gary Johnson is a dorky dorky man. His glasses are out of style, his hair is reminiscent of an early Spencer Reid, and he wears a polo shirt tucked into jean shorts; or jorts, if you will. There is a belt. When he has to do his first sting, he hypes himself up saying “You’re a killer! You kill! For a living!” and it’s super cute to see this Hollywood handsome man be the ugly girl with glasses who- when she finally takes them off- is actually a hottie, when, come on, the audience knows she was stunning all along, I mean she’s played by Rachael Leigh Cook for christ’s sake. But with Glenn Powell. Glen? I’m not gonna check this. Ok hold on. Damn it’s Glen ok so Glen! Glen just has a natural charm that comes through every single one of his false identities, but especially with Ron the hit man who loves puppies when Gary loves cats, and has no inhibitions when Gary holds many.
This is the issue. Madison only knows this act that Gary has put on and we wonder how long he can keep this up and can he change fundamental parts of himself and become someone new entirely? This question is revealed by Gary’s ex-wife and supposed best friend Alicia, even though she’s only in one scene. At about 26 minutes into the story, Alicia points out that researchers have found people can completely alter their personalities even well into adulthood. She brings up the “as if” principle, where you behave as if you are the person you want to be and then you realize that is you, with your old self still there, just dialed down. Oh this is the actress from Younger! She should be in more things, I enjoy her performances.
Not only does this scene explain the main crux of the movie (the “as if” principle), it also tells us how Gary is lonely and needs to be with someone who is as fucked up as he is. He didn’t seem fucked up to me, I don’t get the characters issues with him to be honest. Ensue the romantic part of this sorta action adjacent rom-com. If you are into a story combining romance with philosophy with hidden identities and murder- all inspired by a real life person… this is for you! I find the middle (most of where the romance happens) to be a little boring, personally… it’s like their relationship is overshadowed by all the other shit going on. That along with their relationship just not being interesting to me. Man tricks woman, woman secretly… and here is where the spoilers come. Please read my in-depth summary here (more like shitty retelling of the movie), watch the movie, or read a shorter synopsis on wikipedia. Or if you don’t care about spoilers and you don’t want to read any more than you can just skip to the bottom.
My very opinionated and spoiler-y review below.
The fun part about this whole thang is seeing the set up and follow-through. I enjoyed seeing Gary gradually transform into Ron even in his daily life. His voice gets deeper, his clothes get cooler. His students question when their teacher got hot. The questions and topics brought up are never forgotten, either. It’s perfect if you’re paying attention and get to see how the pieces fall. I also truly love the costumes for the hit men personas, they are so so fun but unfortunately they stop about halfway through the film.
I think my biggest issue is the reality morphing into a murder-fantasy love story. The script is based on this article put out in 2001, about the real Gary Johnson and his real career as a faux hit man for the Houston police. I highly recommend reading it, there’s no paywall (yeehaw). The movie is really faithful to the article in a lot of parts (specifically with Gary’s hit man traps) buuuuut it falters with his lover, Madison. She does not exist irl and you can tell. Pretty sure she was inspired by the one girl that Gary actually helped instead of caught, because she was being physically abused by her boyfriend. He did not fall in love with her.
Madison gives me kinda creepy vibes throughout, and I think she’s supposed to but I don’t know, I guess I wished for something a little more satisfying for our main man Gary. You know, it’s the fact that Gary is so fleshed out, the writing really solidifies his character in this world. There are no plot holes for this man. His motivations are clear, his journey is easily witnessed. It was cool to see Gary become more like Ron and I wanted a similar path for Madison. I wanted a twist where like Madison actually wasn’t being abused and was just bat-shit crazy and Gary like doesn’t care because he was also lying and they go on the run together. Or maybe the whole time Madison was trying to convince him to really kill her husband and she ended up doing it herself anyway and really enjoying it. It felt like I got maybe half of that. A little bit of Madison crazy but not enough! I want John Waters level dedication!
Sidenote: There’s a running gag between Madison and Gary/Ron where they make a contract and pretend to sign it with kisses and it is so icky I cringe every time like this couple just annoys me. That’s definitely one of my issues- they’re a gross couple!
Regardless, I enjoyed myself overall. I loved the article and how it reveals Gary is a loner because he can’t really trust anyone. It’s kinda sad but I get it, he has a tough job revealing the worst in people. The film does not explore this, as that would ironically, kill the romance.
Now the fun part: Ranking Gary’s Hit Man Personas not including the one guy we get for like a 2-second scene:
9. Boone: The Pink’s Worker?
Uh I don’t really get this one, he looks like kinda gross and yet the old lady wants to fuck him? He doesn’t even look like a killer, but maybe he’s not supposed to?
8. Ron
Yes, I’m putting Ron here because he’s too much like Glen Powell! He’s boring to me. Just a charming and handsome man that’s good in bed. He was also the hardest for me to draw, those stupid sunglasses.
7. Beanie Guy in the Clurb
I like the effort put into his hair and beard and teeth. First guy we see after he figures out how to do makeup. Also love the accent, according to the subtitles it’s New England. I say it’s Bostonian. Is that the same thing??
6. Billy
Gary’s first killer persona and boy oh boy it’s cool to see. We spend the most time with him and I love to see him kind of fumble as he gets used to the gambit, and eventually succeed!
5. Beck: The Video Game Character
No, seriously, he looks like a video game character and it’s so funny since it’s for a kid literally paying him in like xbox games.
4. Patrick Bateman
Duuuude the voice he puts on is so good. He is living his American Psycho fantasy! I do wonder how many men dress up as Bateman for Halloween each year…
3. The Russian
Wearing a Snape wig, full leather jacket with leather gloves in hot, sunny New Orleans is stunning. He’s into this speedboat because he likes Miami vice? The improv on my man Gary!
2. The Country Boy
I know this man! I’ve seen this man! The neck tattoo with a full fit from Bass Pro Shops, waggling his tongue and calling the justice system “Pussified” is PEAK.
1. The Ginger Willy Wonka
This man is psychotic how did he get a full face of realistic freckles because I know it was not from a Freck Pen! The wig is stunning and I love the cadence he uses. The contrast of his and the perps accent is lovely and a great final hit man for the audience.
I’m posting this I’m sick of editing, apologies for this being a MESS I did not do an outline or rough draft obvi.